here i'm

This is me now,there people look at me as ordinarry people, actually like that,not all make proper recognized,particularry being loved. But somebody praud to be my self,I don’t know why . I know affronting self is not good,not good for forming my character, and my self concept. But there is moment that I cannot get out of that.

nothing that properly to be prided upon.Which always trouble others.

Im so weary and tired with all circumstance,I very pity to see my self,not yet done anything,any good that can please others particularry the people who I loved. I tired live in the hypocrisy shadow,in the shadow of the people who recognized me even every person who know me,impressing I always reside in the shadow. Practically I only ordinary people human being,like the others. But why so hard to become the especial charactherization,even as a figuran I also refused,as a figuran I also improper to be assumed.cos I have nope any for the characterization.i only hypocrisy human being.Always wish to signalized my self, tough im very suffered,cos im always stay on the shadow of my falsehood,the falsehood with the fact of me. This is that make me cannot esteem my self what the excistence of.

I never proud for the circumstance,exactly I,m so suffering,in my mind I have the burden bounce,like now I have so much burden, fear, woory, and all of that make me to see my self in to foolish and useless.I wish better,in my age. I know that im so stupid,I are undue is true to be imitated,cos I also can’t esteem ownself,I also try become the others.

When I say about my comitmen,that’s “do the best” . “making the others happy” so far I don’t know I was do that or no.

May be is better to me to be alone,I have to decided all togethers self,I nope may except others , whoever.

During the time im too spoiled assisted so that I forgot about my self which first can be self-supporting, get mark,when i was school i can do anything what i want. school I can,particularry in my environment, possible during the time im too egoist,is too overproud to my self,and I know all that meaningless at all.

Hipocrisy... dead lock… progresively..!!!

Hipocrisy... dead lock… progresively..!!!

Can I parrying and disobeying everything about my doubtfulness?? Can I liing my feeling about what the things happended to me. Can I stoped pretense and impresing I have no problem at all,oh my God , is the challenge .
can I disobeying my felt. My Lord I don’t know what should I do for me to get out from the things about my problem,is possible that I can’t countinuing my sturggle.how my way hereinafter, Im very scared, even to remember it I have no bravery. I don’t know what will happen to me tomorrow and later. I don’t know, ..likely I’ts so difficut for me to do it self. Are there short out that can I use so I got way out for the problem that have become to me.but short out always conduciving too the new problem.
During for one this last year I can’t positif thinkiing anymore.tough I always try it. Coz I was got the experience about that, i found so much disappoinment Even when I say,”I must get it” and “I’m sure that I will get it”.
But what I got is on the contrary, disappoinment,enragement,over a bairel,losing,lost self confidence.
Some people said,”what u thing is and will happen to u. But what?? Everything hipocrisy.Even I never get 5% form that confidence anymore,alltogether without effect, I will think for never hoping,never think anymore,coz like the people said life must go on .
But is this possible like this forever, letting everything gone without doing something,just expecting life will give road? And why when I try searching for way out what I got also dead lock and make me mute progesively, I have broken what I dreamed.
Never passing by quickly in my mind for telling this disappoinment. But life forcing me to tell it,ossify the live make me more pesimist for every step what I take.Now I often pesimist about my desire. I concious that I can’t behaving pesimist,but I have to positif thinking,but how far I will think everything about positif, oh. My God im really fear,im fear I won’t find the meaning of life. Forgive me Lord if I sorrowfull Thy,this is what I feeling God,this is me now God. I liing a lot of matter about my life for others, impresing im the perfect human,can do ,stand up and get it all what I want. I don’t know how far I will stand up if I have to experiencing alone,determining and deciding at all about myself.
Im really scared,I fear I will get disappoinment anymore.

Give it all to the God !
yes’..!i do it.
Let God do it for u..!!

But imn’t perfect woman, Im.’t ready to experiencing of day which tend, the day without expectation,without target. Coz I can’t step to the fore if this problem not yet been finished cos this problem will determining my step to go forward. I don’t know…!!!am i will stand up for ,are this time, I will get the new real answer about this problem.
Everything for my self , what I do, what will I do also for my self . I know I have to deteriming it self and start thinking it self. I must strong,I have to experiencing for my self.may be the experience will make me more adult,do everything more perfect. I one moment I get what I want.just wanna said “hopefully the experience of life will bring me to the new mind, more carefull,and ready for everything”.
Hoping for life will learn me more, more knowing he meaning of life. Today I don’t know what should I do, just loving for life.